Ribbit

“Can we switch to What’s App?” means he's trying to keep the conversation on the encrypted down low. Bye frog. He went a courtin’ and you did ride, crambo it, up his ass. That low frequency man doesn’t deserve your attention. Say bye.

“Can we meet for dinner at 9:00PM?”  On the first date!?  Or any date means he has another date and plans to swing 2 in one night so he can brag to his friends tomorrow. Hey fellas look at me, I’m a playa.  Who eats at 9:00 PM?  I’m a 49-year-old grown ass women. My digestive system needs a minute to process restaurant food slick dick. Say bye. Save yourself some time and let’s believe the data ladies.  2+2=4.  It never equals -1.  Bye wiener schnitzel!

“I live in India 3 months out of the year and full disclosure, I’m not a U.S citizen…”  means RUN away and block that cock.  

Ladies, what the hell is going on in the dick pool?  These boys can’t swim! I took a 10-year break and came back to the dumbest dick show the world has ever seen.  These aren’t men! These are hamburger fed, hot dog propelled, titty babies, who stick a pacifier in your mouth with every word that dribbles out their north American sewer. They shave their chests and wear powder on their faces! Cum the fuck on.

Are you worried about your pores? Because, I can’t be with a man who is. 

I’m sitting over here wondering why these men are bullshitting constantly with scripted words? They cut and paste! I’m a man’s man they say. The hell you are. In fact, what it means to be a man has changed entirely in the last decade.

Today, I wonder does the authentic man still exist?  Are the dating apps filled with ribbit men who play a role?  Because I’m meeting one dud after another. A bog of frogs! Jump Judy, jump, they move too fast, they move too slow, they lob, they blob, they dodge, they pump and they jump but that’s about it. The dick pool is infested with frogs. 

Fellas, older women don't breast feed. NEXT!